Thursday last week, I had a leiu day from work. So, that was one whole day to do whatever I want. Essentially I cram in as much stuff as I can, to make up for the days I can't get anything done 8-5pm with work.
I told my daughter Sage," you be studying up, so we can go get your Learner's Permit". She had tried 5 times with no luck. She has a bit of test anxiety that makes it very difficult to retain the info in a stressful situation. Her Dad made her a study book, with a very artistic cover, she was very proud of it, and used it quite a bit to help her gain the knowledge for the test. (I knew if we didn't get it this time, it would be a long time before I would get another convenient opportunity to do this for a while.) As we got ready to walk out the door I said "let's say a prayer, you have really studied hard this time, now we will ask Heavenly Father to help you get the right answers to pass the test."
We drove over to the new DMV just off I-15 and Bangerter Highway. It is very nice, and one of my girlfriends from Provo High School Days works there too! So, I try to get in a quick Hello, when she doesn't have another customer to help. We got in line, filled out the long form, measured her height on the wall and went to the first check in person to get ready to go to the other side of the room where the testing computers awaited her arrival.
Sage went to take the test for the 6th time, I sat down to wait, and make phone calls and organize my schedule for the day. I told her to take her time and really think about the answers that are wrong for sure, and then try to decide from the others left to determine the correct answer. She smiled and went over to take the test happily. After she got all done, the Test giving guy came over to inform us, that she was SO close, but because it had been so long since we last paid, we would have to pay the $15. fee again. We had a hunch, so we had gathered all our many many coins and last few dollar bills in a Tupperware container for the payment. The Test Guy was very nice about it....I said how close was she? He said "VERY close, and I'll just call this one a "sample test", so that it wouldn't count and she would be able to take the test two more times that day IF needed.....which was very nice, I might add!
So, we got back in line again, and filled out the long form, incase they needed it. We got our number and went to wait again, for about another half hour. This time we were sent to another older gentleman in another area....the paying area. I took out the Tupperware and set it on the counter, all ready to make the payment, the counting of coinage, the clink clink of stacking the moolah....(I digress!)
That guy took one look at the Tupperware and said "you're not going to pay me with that are you!" I said "yes, I am....I'm a poor single mother...this is all we had today. Then, he got mad and said, "why didn't you stop at Coinstar and exchange them?". I said "there wasn't time....anyway we are in a recession, I work at the movie theatre and I take pennies from customers all the time, we only had quarters, dimes and nickels, NO pennies!" He said "well you should have stopped and changed your money." I said "I AM going to pay with this, and when you go to the watercooler with your co-workers after I leave you will have a story to tell at my expense!"
I did stay calm, because I knew this would be putting much stress on Sage with her having to take the test again. He was STILL MAD! He said to Sage "put your head up to that machine and read me the letters." He didn't make it very clear which line to read and the machine was tilted way too high, so she read him the wrong line, he got mad and said "DO YOU NEED GLASSES?" We both said NO. Then he said ''WELL YOU GOT IT WRONG, READ IT TO ME AGAIN." Luckily this time she got it right, meanwhile the Test Guy came and brought over all her paperwork, and I said quietly...."this guy is not being very nice and I am worried it is going to make it really hard for her to take the test again."
Then, I said to the older gentleman "you know this has been a pretty tough week, my home went into foreclosure and I lost all my inheritance, and we are doing the best we can here today, I'm sorry about the coins, but, I will count them all out for you so you won't have to do that part." He said "That is NOT my problem, my wife left me after 32 years of marriage, and this is NOT the life I planned out." I said "I am so sorry, but if you try hard you can find something good in everyday, it IS there if you look for it. I have had a hard few years too, but, I am nice to all the people I take care of at my job."
I counted out all the coins, and few bills left, and he loudly threw them into his till and said "I hope I balance at the end of the day" and I said "you will!" He was still very upset about the coins, he insisted on a debit card, which Sage's Dad had provided for her out in the car, but after his attitude, and the line, there was NO way I was going to have her go get that card. (And, frankly money is money, by law he has to accept the cash, even if it was all in pennies, which one of my sewing clients informed me later that day, when I went over to alter some suits for his work and take a quilt for their son over.)
So the older gentleman gave us a receit and Sage went to take the test again, I could tell she was close to tears, I said "no matter what he said, you just remember what you studied and we said a prayer so just do your best to take that test again, you will be fine."
I went back to my seat and then I thought, this was not the proper way to take care of customers, so I went over to the boss and very quietly told her what had come down, I said "I don't want this guy to loose his job, but customer service is very important, I do realize he has had some personal issues of his own, but..... this can be stressful to the people who need to go take their tests also, he needs to take better care of his customers."
Mean while... the older gentleman went over to the test guy and said in a very loud voice while giving Sage a dirty look...."That WAS a nightmare!" Of course by then, she was totally tramatized, I wasn't sure she would be able to concentrate at all. I waited and waited and finally she came up to me sobbing "I didn't pass!" I said" do you want to take it one more time? " She said "NO!"
I said"wait here", and started to go over to the test guy to see what we could do. He knew the whole situation by then, we had been there for 3 hours going thru this whole process. He gave me the "come here" with his forefinger....and then said in a loud voice, "SAGE, SAGE...come here. He held up her certificate and said loudly "Congratulations!"( I guess he had asked her verbally the two questions she had missed, and she got them right.) By then we both started crying, I said "Thank-you, thank you!" and we left the building. As we walked to the car I said "well, our prayer WAS answered today, you got your learners permit, if it hadn't have been for the mean guy, you may not have been able to pass today, sometimes bad things happen, so good things can happen too." And we both agreed, I asked her if she wanted to drive, she said "NO!"...but, later that day, after eating something, she felt alot better and drove me to Federal Heights to the client appointment, and she did VERY well I might add!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Full Conversion Brings Happiness...June 2011 talk in Church
June 12, 2011
To give a brief intro to myself for all the new folks in the ward. My name is Cindy Garrard. My Daughter Sage and I moved into the Farmgate Apartments Last January, we have been here about a year and half. She is 17 and I also have a 19 year old Son Daniel that lives with his Dad.
I used to work full time as a Home Design Seamstress, and then the recession hit, so I had to get what I call "a real job" at Discover in their Customer Service Department. I work part time at the Megaplex 20 on the weekends, where I've seen many of you for the first time selling you your movie tickets, and I still sew part time a few days a week.
I was born in California, and raised most my life in Utah, Although i have lived in South Royalton Vermont, Jerusalem Israel,Tacoma Washington, Allbuquerque New Mexico, St. George, Richfield and now Herriman.
Last week as I was sitting in Sacrament meeting, I had a hunch I was going to have to speak, so when Brother Crane called, I almost started laughing because I knew what he was going to say. Then Sage was pointing her finger at me and laughing....until I said "do you need Sage to talk too?.....but lucky for her, she just spoke one month ago....but....that quieted her down REAL quick!
Brother Crane asked me to speak on this topic from Elder RIchard G. Scott's Conference talk from 2002.
Full Conversion Brings Happiness.
I think this is a great topic for all of us, It is good to get a refresher on the way we should be living, to keep us on track. With the fast pace of life these days, and all the temptations thrown right in our faces with the media, basically in our very own pockets, it is very hard for some to live fully committed to the gospel principles each day. I know at both my jobs working with "the kids" as I call them....they are pulled in so many directions, and there are more members I'm sure NOT living the gospel as they should, almost doing all they can to show us they Don't want to be known as members.
I got on the 4th floor elevator the other day, and I was talking to a newlywed guy on my team, he was taking his wife to the Temple, and I mentioned that I was going to work at the bishops storehouse that Saturday, and then the 3rd person said he was going to the temple with his wife also. And, I said "WOW" this is the first time that has ever happened....for all of us to be active LDS members on the elevator...and they looked at me rather shocked....the newlywed said "why, we live in Utah?"
But, usually there is the odor of cigarettes from those taking their break, there are people with piercings, nose rings, gages, immodest clothing and language that isn't appropriate to share over the pulpit....and other things not mentionable. It is a very worldly place. I see very few active LDS people living their lives 100%. I have tried to do what Sister Uchtdorf does, when people ask what I did or what I'm going to do for the weekend, I tell the truth: I speaking in church, I'm taking my daughter to the temple, I taught primary, I'm helping with youth conference. And yes, it isn't the popular thing they want to hear, but one lady who works with her youth in her religion, now we have a common bond.
And when someone needs a grown up to talk to about things they probably shouldn't have done at a party, I'm there to give hopefully good advise. At first they didn't want anything to do with me, now they know I do live what I say and do. It has given me some credibility and I'm able to set a good example for those around me. Some of them call me Mom, and others watch me and slowly have warmed up to the "molly mormon mentality". I know I am definately not perfect, but it is an on going process, and I am working to try better each day. And, this is why giving this talk is so helpful to me to improve and gain a stronger testimony of gospel principles, so that I can have that happiness that comes from full conversion.
Elder Scott used Elder Mack Lawrence's talks as a reference. Elder Mack quotes:
Whenever I have asked Stake Presidents about their biggest challenge or concern, they repeatedly say, "to have the Saints committed and converted so they will be faithful in keeping their covenants and fulfilling their callings.
Elder Mack also says: "a truly converted follower of Christ-one who merits the designation of disciple or Saint-could NOT be casual or complacent in his or her approach to service in the Church, nor in keeping covenants and commandments. Such a one would surely follow the Lord's admonition... "learn his or her duty, and to act....in all diligence." (D & C 107-99).
We need to live our lives fully converted to the Gospel, It isn't always easy. For me this has been a pretty tough few years. The thing that keeps me grounded is the gospel. I've had other friends go through the same thing, they drift away for a while, thinking they have earned the "right" to do some pretty crazy things because of their "situation", but inevitably they have told me.... I wish I hadn't done the things I did. I should have stayed strong.
Marion G. Romney explains conversion:
“Converted means to turn from one belief or course of action to another. Conversion is a spiritual and moral change. Converted implies not merely mental acceptance of Jesus and his teachings but also a motivating faith in him and his gospel. A faith which works a transformation, an actual change in one’s understanding of life’s meaning and in his allegiance to God in interest, in thought, and in conduct. In one who is really wholly converted, desire for things contrary to the gospel of Jesus Christ has actually died. And substituted therefore is a love of God, with a fixed and controlling determination to keep his commandments.”
Elder Scott states:
To be converted, you must remember to apply diligently in your life the key words “a love of God, with a fixed and controlling determination to keep his commandments.” Your happiness now and forever is conditioned on your degree of conversion and the transformation that it brings to your life. How then can you become truly converted?
President Romney describes the steps you must follow:
“Membership in the Church and conversion are not necessarily synonymous. Being converted and having a testimony are not necessarily the same thing either. A testimony comes when the Holy Ghost gives the earnest seeker a witness of the truth. A moving testimony vitalizes faith. That is, it induces repentance and obedience to the commandments. Conversion is the fruit or the reward for repentance and obedience.”
Stated simply, true conversion is the fruit of faith, repentance, and consistent obedience. Faith comes by hearing the word of God and responding to it. You will receive from the Holy Ghost a confirming witness of things you accept on faith by willingly doing them. You will be led to repent of errors resulting from wrong things done or right things not done. As a consequence, your capacity to consistently obey will be strengthened. This cycle of faith, repentance, and consistent obedience will lead you to greater conversion with its attendant blessings. True conversion will strengthen your capacity to do what you know you should do, when you should do it, regardless of the circumstances.
Elder Scott tells us to listen to the parable of the sower and see how it applies to our own lives....
See if there are periods when correct teachings find in you conditions unsuitable to receive them and consequently the promised fruits of happiness, peace, and progress are lost.
“The sower soweth the word. [Some sown] by the way side, … but when they have heard, Satan cometh immediately, and taketh away the word that was sown in their hearts.”
Could that happen to you, in the wrong environment, with the wrong friendships?
“[Some] on stony ground; who, when they have heard the word, immediately receive it with gladness; And have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when … persecution ariseth … immediately they are offended.”
Have you ever been in a circumstance when someone proposed something inappropriate and you did nothing to resist it?
“[Some] sown among thorns; such as hear the word, And the cares of this world … and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.”
Have there been times when you wanted something so badly that you justified an exception to your standards?
“[Some] sown on good ground; such as hear the word, and receive it, and bring forth fruit, some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some an hundred."
Elder Scott also quotes President Hinckley:
To receive the blessings promised from true conversion, make the changes that you know are needed in your life now. The Savior said: “Will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you? … If ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life."
The Holy Ghost will help us find those personal changes we need to make in our own lives, and then the Lord can bless us, and we can get through these hard times that are happening to all of us right now.
Elder Scott tells us that our faith with be fortified, our capacities to repent will increase, our power to consistently obey will be reinforced.
And I love the part where he says "Do your Best".
God does love us and wants us to be happy, He will help us to accomplish these principals in our lives. The Gospel is true, our stronger degrees of conversion and transformation can and will bring much more happiness to our lives. I hope that we can live fully committed and bring God's love and strength to us all.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Daniel 100% all boy!
I finally became pregnant after many years of waiting. The anticipation, oh the excitement, and the huge body I was toting around. There were so many things going on, and I was still working a 60 hour week at Dixie College in southern Utah. My husband decided that we were going to have a girl, he figured that girls were easier, he had it all planned out. And, he was used to getting his way, so I went with that.
I went to the doctors office for my ultrasound. It was all so very exciting, after the first one declaring that I definately was pregnant. I could see the tiny body floating around in that little sack....pretty cool. So, this time I was extremely excited to see the outcome of the baby, what would she look like, how was everything coming along. The baby's movement was all over, I wasn't getting much sleep, things were pretty tight in there, with much kicking and rumblings from within. The doctor put on that cold slimy gel and got the thing proding all over my now HUGE bellly. He declared that he was pretty sure 95% that I was definately having a girl. I was so excited, I had my ultra sound posted on the fridge, I was now one of the "In Utah Crowd". I was producing an offspring. I couldn't be happier. I would be able to now stand proudly for my Mother's Day flower in church that next year.
The name was picked: Sage Anna Snarr. An herb for my husband, he was a health food nut! And the Anna for me, the name Agnes Anne, and Agnes Anna had been rotated for generation thru my family on my Mom's side. She being the Last Agnes Anne, and then LUCKILY I was named Cindy Anne. Mom always hated the Agnes name, her family called her Sis, so thank heavens I got a Cindy instead. So, with the name Sage....the Anna just seemed to fit!
I had made little girlie things, I had purchased the diapers, the lotions, all the potions one needs to make a baby happy. I even had little toys saved from my youthful hope chest. I was ready to go. I had a bag packed and ready for the hospital too, with all the things I thought I would need.
I was working with the senior citizen group called "elderhostel"...now called "road scholars". They came from all over the country and stayed for a week, learned about the history of southern utah, the geology of Zion National Park and when we added golf, we couldn't keep them away. So, they having been through the baby raising years. Many had opinions and helpful hints. There were a few baby doctors who had sized me up and pronounced that I was having a girl also. One even read me by the way I was carrying my load....and said girl. And the Dr. said it was definately a girl's rapid heart beat.
Well, I had worked the whole week, got to Friday and went home to take a nap, I was getting pretty tired and they scheduled me so I could do that. Soon, as I woke up and sat up, I felt a small gush of wetness. I called the Dr's. office, they said come in and they would check me out. So, I went in, the dr's office was connected to the side of the actual hospital. I put on my paper gown and layed down on the examining table. I was there a long time, I might have even fallen asleep for a few minutes. When the doctor finally came in, I said I think my water might have broke, he totally cracked up! I had no clue, he said, well you are here to stay, the nurse will take you right into the hospital and get you set up to take the petossin.
I thought....why is he laughing at me? As I sat up, the whole paper cover was soaked, I didn't realize it, cause of my size and all, I didn't notice the warm water coming out....no wonder he knew. I said to the nurse...."I don't have my bag, let me run home and get it!" She said "honey you're not going anywhere!" So, I tried to call my husband, he had gone out to the hot springs for the whole day. This was before cell phones, so the hot springs people went to tell him, he said "I'll come when she is ready!" How would he know? This was our first, this was around 3 or 4 in the afternoon....I was getting a bit panicky. I called my secretary at work, she called the hot springs and told them that "they had better get him outta there and on his way to the hospital, or he was going to miss the birth of his child, and if they didn't do it, SHE was gonna come and drag him out of there in front of everyone!" So he showed up about 1 1/2 hour later.....luckily the baby didn't come for quite a while.
Well, he showed up, and luckily my best friend was a nurse there Marsha Marsha Marsha Bee. She was awesome, she had just finished a 12 hour shift and came and spent the whole time with me. Her kids came to say hi, my husband finally showed up, came through, worked the room and then went out to get pizza, (he had had a hard day a the spa mind you!) So, he and her daughters had a pizza party in the adjoining room. I was watching "the Johhnny Carson show", things were progressing well. That medicine made me so OUCH....I finally asked to get the the big needle, Marsha Marsha Marsha held my hand...cause the hubby hadn't shown up for that part yet. I wonder how her hand even works today after I crushed it during the needle part. Labor is hard to explain unless you have gone through that, but, I honestly thought I was gonna die....So Marsha Marsha Marsha RAN to get the dr. so I could get the epidural.
And finally I was ready to deliver....My husband came towards me and screamed "come to me baby, come to me"....it was like something from the "I love Lucy show".... he was an absolute nut case, he started running around the room, I grabbed him by the collar as he whizzed by, and said "Curt you need to calm down!!!" He didn't . The doctor came in trying to be very dignified, and serious, but Curt was off his rocker....he would say.... Are you sure you want to do that? What are the salad tongs for? You're gonna cut where?
Well, finally out popped.....a lovely baby BOY....we were all in shock and laughed, this wasn't what we had expected....but, he was absolutely lovely. But, as soon as I saw him, I knew he was mine...it didn't matter that he wasn't the promised girl.....That last 5% appendage made him definately all boy. Curt went with Marsha Marsha Marsha to get him all cleaned up and weighed and measured. By the time he got back, he had calmed down a bit.....It seems he even said something funny about having "my son, my son!" They brought the baby boy to me, I don't remember ever being so happy before. We didn't know what to call him....since we didn't even consider a boy name.
Then the next day, they took Curt and the baby into the room for the circumcision. I wasn't there, but all the nurses were talking about it to me later, I guess he made a big scene in there too, and when I went in for the baby's first dr. exam......all the nurses said, Oh Mrs. Snarr.....the whole hospital is talking about the way your husband was during your baby's circumcision.....wow....I was so glad I was in the other room!
Well, we brought the baby home and finally after 2 days, I decided on a name: Daniel Douglas Snarr. After my brother Dan Garrard, Curt's best friend Dan Dixon, and the Douglas name from his family.
That baby brought me so much joy, My Mom had just finished his pink quilt the day he was born, so she luckily whipped up another one in blue....
And Daniel is for sure 100% boy. He has brought so much joy to my life, he is the smartest guy I know, and can do anything. He makes me proud, I couldn't have asked for a better son. So, proud of him....and will be sharing stories later of his life, and fun things he has done. And the best thing of all....well maybe not for him, but he looks just like me. Being adopted, I never saw anyone that looked like me before, and here was this little minaturized version of me. We used to go everywhere, do everything together, he has always been a brilliant kid, so thanks Daniel..... I LOVE YOU..... Mom!!!
I went to the doctors office for my ultrasound. It was all so very exciting, after the first one declaring that I definately was pregnant. I could see the tiny body floating around in that little sack....pretty cool. So, this time I was extremely excited to see the outcome of the baby, what would she look like, how was everything coming along. The baby's movement was all over, I wasn't getting much sleep, things were pretty tight in there, with much kicking and rumblings from within. The doctor put on that cold slimy gel and got the thing proding all over my now HUGE bellly. He declared that he was pretty sure 95% that I was definately having a girl. I was so excited, I had my ultra sound posted on the fridge, I was now one of the "In Utah Crowd". I was producing an offspring. I couldn't be happier. I would be able to now stand proudly for my Mother's Day flower in church that next year.
The name was picked: Sage Anna Snarr. An herb for my husband, he was a health food nut! And the Anna for me, the name Agnes Anne, and Agnes Anna had been rotated for generation thru my family on my Mom's side. She being the Last Agnes Anne, and then LUCKILY I was named Cindy Anne. Mom always hated the Agnes name, her family called her Sis, so thank heavens I got a Cindy instead. So, with the name Sage....the Anna just seemed to fit!
I had made little girlie things, I had purchased the diapers, the lotions, all the potions one needs to make a baby happy. I even had little toys saved from my youthful hope chest. I was ready to go. I had a bag packed and ready for the hospital too, with all the things I thought I would need.
I was working with the senior citizen group called "elderhostel"...now called "road scholars". They came from all over the country and stayed for a week, learned about the history of southern utah, the geology of Zion National Park and when we added golf, we couldn't keep them away. So, they having been through the baby raising years. Many had opinions and helpful hints. There were a few baby doctors who had sized me up and pronounced that I was having a girl also. One even read me by the way I was carrying my load....and said girl. And the Dr. said it was definately a girl's rapid heart beat.
Well, I had worked the whole week, got to Friday and went home to take a nap, I was getting pretty tired and they scheduled me so I could do that. Soon, as I woke up and sat up, I felt a small gush of wetness. I called the Dr's. office, they said come in and they would check me out. So, I went in, the dr's office was connected to the side of the actual hospital. I put on my paper gown and layed down on the examining table. I was there a long time, I might have even fallen asleep for a few minutes. When the doctor finally came in, I said I think my water might have broke, he totally cracked up! I had no clue, he said, well you are here to stay, the nurse will take you right into the hospital and get you set up to take the petossin.
I thought....why is he laughing at me? As I sat up, the whole paper cover was soaked, I didn't realize it, cause of my size and all, I didn't notice the warm water coming out....no wonder he knew. I said to the nurse...."I don't have my bag, let me run home and get it!" She said "honey you're not going anywhere!" So, I tried to call my husband, he had gone out to the hot springs for the whole day. This was before cell phones, so the hot springs people went to tell him, he said "I'll come when she is ready!" How would he know? This was our first, this was around 3 or 4 in the afternoon....I was getting a bit panicky. I called my secretary at work, she called the hot springs and told them that "they had better get him outta there and on his way to the hospital, or he was going to miss the birth of his child, and if they didn't do it, SHE was gonna come and drag him out of there in front of everyone!" So he showed up about 1 1/2 hour later.....luckily the baby didn't come for quite a while.
Well, he showed up, and luckily my best friend was a nurse there Marsha Marsha Marsha Bee. She was awesome, she had just finished a 12 hour shift and came and spent the whole time with me. Her kids came to say hi, my husband finally showed up, came through, worked the room and then went out to get pizza, (he had had a hard day a the spa mind you!) So, he and her daughters had a pizza party in the adjoining room. I was watching "the Johhnny Carson show", things were progressing well. That medicine made me so OUCH....I finally asked to get the the big needle, Marsha Marsha Marsha held my hand...cause the hubby hadn't shown up for that part yet. I wonder how her hand even works today after I crushed it during the needle part. Labor is hard to explain unless you have gone through that, but, I honestly thought I was gonna die....So Marsha Marsha Marsha RAN to get the dr. so I could get the epidural.
And finally I was ready to deliver....My husband came towards me and screamed "come to me baby, come to me"....it was like something from the "I love Lucy show".... he was an absolute nut case, he started running around the room, I grabbed him by the collar as he whizzed by, and said "Curt you need to calm down!!!" He didn't . The doctor came in trying to be very dignified, and serious, but Curt was off his rocker....he would say.... Are you sure you want to do that? What are the salad tongs for? You're gonna cut where?
Well, finally out popped.....a lovely baby BOY....we were all in shock and laughed, this wasn't what we had expected....but, he was absolutely lovely. But, as soon as I saw him, I knew he was mine...it didn't matter that he wasn't the promised girl.....That last 5% appendage made him definately all boy. Curt went with Marsha Marsha Marsha to get him all cleaned up and weighed and measured. By the time he got back, he had calmed down a bit.....It seems he even said something funny about having "my son, my son!" They brought the baby boy to me, I don't remember ever being so happy before. We didn't know what to call him....since we didn't even consider a boy name.
Then the next day, they took Curt and the baby into the room for the circumcision. I wasn't there, but all the nurses were talking about it to me later, I guess he made a big scene in there too, and when I went in for the baby's first dr. exam......all the nurses said, Oh Mrs. Snarr.....the whole hospital is talking about the way your husband was during your baby's circumcision.....wow....I was so glad I was in the other room!
Well, we brought the baby home and finally after 2 days, I decided on a name: Daniel Douglas Snarr. After my brother Dan Garrard, Curt's best friend Dan Dixon, and the Douglas name from his family.
That baby brought me so much joy, My Mom had just finished his pink quilt the day he was born, so she luckily whipped up another one in blue....
And Daniel is for sure 100% boy. He has brought so much joy to my life, he is the smartest guy I know, and can do anything. He makes me proud, I couldn't have asked for a better son. So, proud of him....and will be sharing stories later of his life, and fun things he has done. And the best thing of all....well maybe not for him, but he looks just like me. Being adopted, I never saw anyone that looked like me before, and here was this little minaturized version of me. We used to go everywhere, do everything together, he has always been a brilliant kid, so thanks Daniel..... I LOVE YOU..... Mom!!!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Dating again.....YES....NO........OK...I think I can!!!
I got up at 3:30 a.m. Friday April 29th, 2011 and watched the Royal Wedding of William and Katharine...it was beautiful and very romantic, you could tell from their lip-read comments to each other that they were VERY in love....and dolefully it reminded me that "Ugh, I'm in the dating scene again".
At this age (which I won't reveal!) it has become very difficult to meet what I will call "worthy" men. It seems that the playing field has shrunk by leaps and bounds. And....being at my height 5'11''....it makes the choices even fewer and far between. I have talked to my friends, explained my situation and wants.....not necessarily a list of looks besides the height factor, but a want list of I feel of normal things that anyone would expect of a partner in life. Stable, kind, loves kids, Temple worthy, church going, a job...or even close to retirement...able to "DO".....a person who is active, not ready to drop at death's door, respectful of women. I'm sure there are other attributes that can be thought of, but basically looking for a nice tall guy.
Many of my friends have offered up brothers....on the sacrificial plate. This is hard too, you don't want to dissapoint the sister, or the brother. The heightened pressure of the "meet" is so weighed with behind the scenes anxiety. Do I measure up, am I worthy of this person that has been bragged upon, what do I wear, what do I say.....the sweat glands.....will they hold off for just a few hours?
I have facebooked, talked, met, perused the photos, heard the stories, oh my gosh, this is SOooo much harder than I remember......and now some of these men really put it all out there....not things I want to see, read or hear. One offered....dinner, drinks, sex. Another had a photo of himself....in a tank top, tatoos...and yes his stainless steel urinal in the back ground....needless to say....I DIDN'T add him to my friends list.....I'm thinking...him being in a jail cell and all....the dating location would NOT prove for a satisfactory "meet".
It is really hard....I DO want "to be swept up", but the chances of that happening now....well now I am thinking maybe "it ain't gonna happen". I did talk to my Dad very candidly.....before he passed away.....thinking that.... he being at death's door from cancer....maybe he would have a closer intuition to my "situation", and he suggested waiting til death, and "one would be provided". I said "you mean live the last 50 years of my life alone....I don't think I can do that"?! He also said "be very very careful"....as he waved his finger at me.....
Now I'm thinking "Dad... send one my way.....please!".
I also talked to two of my previous Boss's down in St. George a few weeks ago. One said "Cindy, you are very resilient"....and the other gave some great advice...he said... to not think of it as trying to meet ALL these men, get off the dating sites (which I will), just go about your life, go to work, do your church callings, go to the Temple, read your scriptures, say your prayers, be with your kids, have your life, don't stress.....you only need ONE man. God knows the wishes of your heart, one will be provided. For all we know a good man is going through a divorce right now, and will be the one for you, we don't know, but live your life, don't worry about meeting all these men, when the time is right, he will be there for you.
I really took everyone's advise to heart....I have been thinking deeply about this for quite a few weeks now. It seems to be my every waking thought, but I will go on, and survive....and so, here I am today living my life, working my three jobs, going to church, doing my callings,hanging out with my kids and trying to do what's right at the right time. And, hopefully I will get swept up one day....by "one man".... who truly madly loves me....hmmmmm an interesting thought!
At this age (which I won't reveal!) it has become very difficult to meet what I will call "worthy" men. It seems that the playing field has shrunk by leaps and bounds. And....being at my height 5'11''....it makes the choices even fewer and far between. I have talked to my friends, explained my situation and wants.....not necessarily a list of looks besides the height factor, but a want list of I feel of normal things that anyone would expect of a partner in life. Stable, kind, loves kids, Temple worthy, church going, a job...or even close to retirement...able to "DO".....a person who is active, not ready to drop at death's door, respectful of women. I'm sure there are other attributes that can be thought of, but basically looking for a nice tall guy.
Many of my friends have offered up brothers....on the sacrificial plate. This is hard too, you don't want to dissapoint the sister, or the brother. The heightened pressure of the "meet" is so weighed with behind the scenes anxiety. Do I measure up, am I worthy of this person that has been bragged upon, what do I wear, what do I say.....the sweat glands.....will they hold off for just a few hours?
I have facebooked, talked, met, perused the photos, heard the stories, oh my gosh, this is SOooo much harder than I remember......and now some of these men really put it all out there....not things I want to see, read or hear. One offered....dinner, drinks, sex. Another had a photo of himself....in a tank top, tatoos...and yes his stainless steel urinal in the back ground....needless to say....I DIDN'T add him to my friends list.....I'm thinking...him being in a jail cell and all....the dating location would NOT prove for a satisfactory "meet".
It is really hard....I DO want "to be swept up", but the chances of that happening now....well now I am thinking maybe "it ain't gonna happen". I did talk to my Dad very candidly.....before he passed away.....thinking that.... he being at death's door from cancer....maybe he would have a closer intuition to my "situation", and he suggested waiting til death, and "one would be provided". I said "you mean live the last 50 years of my life alone....I don't think I can do that"?! He also said "be very very careful"....as he waved his finger at me.....
Now I'm thinking "Dad... send one my way.....please!".
I also talked to two of my previous Boss's down in St. George a few weeks ago. One said "Cindy, you are very resilient"....and the other gave some great advice...he said... to not think of it as trying to meet ALL these men, get off the dating sites (which I will), just go about your life, go to work, do your church callings, go to the Temple, read your scriptures, say your prayers, be with your kids, have your life, don't stress.....you only need ONE man. God knows the wishes of your heart, one will be provided. For all we know a good man is going through a divorce right now, and will be the one for you, we don't know, but live your life, don't worry about meeting all these men, when the time is right, he will be there for you.
I really took everyone's advise to heart....I have been thinking deeply about this for quite a few weeks now. It seems to be my every waking thought, but I will go on, and survive....and so, here I am today living my life, working my three jobs, going to church, doing my callings,hanging out with my kids and trying to do what's right at the right time. And, hopefully I will get swept up one day....by "one man".... who truly madly loves me....hmmmmm an interesting thought!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)